


Severus' New Groove

by strangehighs



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, Humor, Post-First War with Voldemort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-23
Updated: 2020-02-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:08:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22855984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strangehighs/pseuds/strangehighs
Summary: Severus has an awful, good for nothing Monday where no one makes sense and everyone keeps staring at him. It takes him a while to find out why.
Comments: 10
Kudos: 71





	Severus' New Groove

Monday mornings were a special kind of hell for many different reasons. They marked the beginning of the week, which brought classes and, consequently, the hundreds of dumb little brats he had to call his students. Classes also meant he had to interact with the rest of the staff, which still felt about as pleasant as pulling teeth most of the time. And to top it off, they started with a double period of Second Year Slytherins and Gryffindors, followed by yet another double period, this time Fourth Year Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs.

In short, absolute _hell_.

This particular Monday started with Severus missing his alarm, waking up with a start ten minutes before his first class. Dressing himself in a hurry, he was forced to skip both his shower and breakfast, having already missed dinner the night before, so to say his mood was already low from the start was putting it kindly. He was _pissed_. And hungry. 

He entered his classroom in a flurry of black fabric, breathless, as if he weren't almost five minutes late and still sticky with yesterday's sweat. The hubbub of the children ceased the second he burst through the door, a small blessing. With a wave of his wand the blackboard started to fill up, chalk scribbling the ingredients, recipe and properties of today's potion. Another wave unlocked the storage cabinets.

“You'll be working on the standard Sleeping Potion today, based on the theoretical aspects discussed last week.” Reaching the front of the room, he turned to address his class. “The instructions are on the board, and you may pick the ingredi-”

His speech was interrupted by a collective gasp once he turned fully. Several students sat there gaping at him, eyes comically wide. One particularly dramatic Gryffindor boy dropped his scale, which landed with a dull thud on the floor, echoing in the shocked silence of room. Severus looked around, startled at the children’s reactions, and came up empty to what could have caused it, his sleep addled brain having a hard time getting a hold of the situation. Turning back to the little beasts caused another wave of surprised hisses, making his irritation bubble over.

“What is it?” 

The whole front row shrunk in their seats. More silence.

“If someone doesn’t explain in ten seconds why you’re all making an impression of landed fish,” he barked, trying to startle a reaction other than shock out of them. “you’ll all be short three points per head.”

His only answer was more gaping. He watched one Gryffindor girl start to raise a trembling hand, just to lose her nerve halfway through it and shove it back in her lap. Grinding his teeth, Severus fought the urge to rip out a few strands of his hair, already feeling signs of the oncoming headache of having to explain to Minerva why her House had lost almost sixty points in one single class. He couldn’t back out now. _Fuck_ , he thought.

“Three points from each one of you it is then,” he ground out. “And it’ll be an automatic failure on this assignment to anyone who doesn’t have their fires lit and their ingredients on their desk in thirty seconds.”

Snapping out of their stupor, the children scrambled to the storage cabinets, finally, _finally_ ceasing their unnerving staring. Mondays were _piss_.

* * *

By lunchtime, Severus felt ready to commit mass murder. Each passing second made Azkaban appear a much better prospect than all this _goddamn shit fucking infernal staring just fucking stop it_. 

His second double period went much like the first. Each student that came in gasped, before averting their eyes and scurrying to their place. They kept whispering among themselves, elbowing each other, suspiciously stopping once he turned to the culprits. Taking points had no effect in curbing it, and he was no closer to finding out the cause of this strange collective madness. Severus felt so irked he decided to resort to some low level Legilimency, but even that attempt fell flat. No one dared meeting his eyes.

He sat down heavily at his place in the Head Table, massaging his temples. His head felt like it was bound to explode at any moment, and his stomach felt so hollow he was almost queasy.Sighing, he started to load his plate with everything within his reach. On his left Pomona arrived, smelling like sunshine and fertilizer. 

“Oh, hello Severus. We missed you at breakfast, the elves made that honeysuckle jelly you like so much.” She said brightly, bustling about in her seat, looking at him with a smile.

Turning to her, Severus was about to grunt some sort of semi-polite response when he was interrupted by that _awful_ gasping once again. Pomona was staring at him, just like the brats did all day, but with a concerned frown. He’d had enough of this foolishness from the students already, he didn’t need to be gawked at by his colleagues as well. And they said _he_ was the rude one.

“What? Have I suddenly sprouted horns?”

“Horns?” She said, blinking at him, disconcerted. “Oh no, nothing like that.”

“Then stop staring, I’m not a bloody zoo animal!”

He dug back into his meal, angrily, intending to shove it all down as fast as he could so he’d be able to escape this infernal scrutiny the entirety of Hogwarts’ population decided to subject him to today. It had to be a case of collective madness. _Or rudeness_ , he thought, chewing his potatoes. He could hear Pomona fidgeting with her cutlery, practically vibrating with the need to add something. Speeding up, he pushed his food down with a swing of water, fully prepared to make a run for it before being gaped at again. Pomona was faster though.

“Severus, dear,” She whispered, apprehensive. “Are you alright?”

“No, I’m not!” He could barely resist the urge to bang his head against the table. Or stab himself to death with his fork. “I’m wilting away like a bloody meadow flower, Pomona, can’t you see it? Of course I’m bloody fine, why wouldn’t I be?”

“There, no need for all that.” His explosion made her tut disapprovingly, as if he were still one of her students. Her demeanor, however, was welcoming and considerate, as if he were a frightened and delicate First Year, going as far as patting his hand comfortingly. “Just know we’re here for you if you ever wish for it, right? We’re all more than willing to help you, whatever it is.” 

Her reassuring smile made him even more puzzled. There was only one way to proceed now.

“I honestly have no idea what you’re talking about.” Pushing his plate, Severus stood as fast as he could, extricating his hand from her painfully gentle clutch. _What the fuck._ “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have other duties to attend.”

While he legged it, holding back the urge to break into a full sprint, he heard Pomona calling out with more promises of help and support.

Collective madness. It had to be.

* * *

His reprieve, hiding away in the empty teacher’s lounge, lasted less than half an hour.

The Daily Prophet’s crosswords distracted him quite efficiently from both his irritation and his headache, so much so he didn’t notice Albus and Filius when they first came in. Ever perceptive, the Headmaster spotted him sunk deeply in a fluffy armchair by the window, and quickly gestured requesting his attention. Conscientiously _not_ dragging his feet, Severus mournfully pocketed the page with the half finished puzzle and joined the others.

“Ah, Severus, I see you finally decided to make a statement today, well done.” Albus beamed down at him. “Rest assured, you have our full support to express yourself as you see fit. It’s such a youthful joy, to challenge the status quo, isn’t it, Filius? Why, I had quite a rebellious appearance when I was a young man such as yourself, but back then it meant growing your hair past your ears.”

Squinting, he watched both men laugh merrily, Filius nodding along with Albus’ tirade. “But as I said, you’re free to flaunt whatever style you chose.”

“Albus, I haven’t the foggiest idea what you’re talking about.” Sizing up the Headmaster’s bright blue sequined robe, he added. “The only one making fashion statements here is you, as always.” _Stating what not to wear,_ he thought with disgust.

“No, no, this is just an old man’s excentricities. I could never pull off all these new grooves your youths come up with,” Albus said, wagging his eyebrows. “I’ll leave that to you.”

The visions of himself tackling the Headmaster to the floor were unceremoniously interrupted by the last person he wanted to see right now. _Minerva_. 

When she made a beeline for him, he knew he was going to pay dearly for all those points discounted.

“Do you care to explain why you took 84 points from Gryffindor _just this morning_?” Straight to the point, as always. “Do you have a motive or were you just in a snit and thought it would be fun to annoy me?”

Tiredly rubbing his eyes, Severus briefly considered hurling himself off the window. That ought to shock them into silence long enough he could escape. Maybe. Anything would be better than this. Albus’ gentle protest (Minerva, I don’t think that’s fair to him.) was summarily interrupted (And I don’t think this is none of your business.), being enough to effectively shut him up. Not even the legendary Albus Dumbledore dared to cross Minerva seriously. _Bloody fucking bitch of a day_.

“Since Slytherin lost 62, and Hufflepuff 48, I don’t see why you’d accuse me of doing it purposely to annoy you.”

“Then why?” She urged him. “Is it a snit? Is it a tantrum? What is it?”

“Because they were all bloody staring at me!” Severus exploded, completely fed up with this ridiculous day who _refused_ to make sense. “They kept whispering and nudging each other! It was infuriating, not to mention absurdly disrespectful! And you can ask any of them, I gave the choice between speaking up and losing points, but they all prefered to stay silent and keep gawking at me as if I were a circus clown!”

Minerva studied him, wholly unimpressed by his anger. “Well, I wouldn’t say clown, but you definitely look like a racoon,” With a snort, she added, “but I can see why none of them would have the courage to speak up.”

His exasperated “What?” was drowned by Albus’ “Now, Minerva, you don’t need to insult his style when I just told him he was free to dress however he wished. You know these youthful fashions are a bit strange, but there’s no need for that.”

Turning his head left and right as if watching a tennis match, Filius was startled by Minerva’s sudden laughter.

“This isn’t a fashion choice, Albus, for Merlin’s sake. You really need to go outside more.” Facing him with a raised eyebrow, she added, full of mirth. “Severus here just forgot to take off his makeup yesterday.”

Conjuring it with a flick of her wand, she passed him a small hand mirror. The dread filling his stomach fell short to the reality.

_Fuck._

He looked messy as hell. The pitch black eyeliner, so sharp the night before, had smudged fiercely all across his face, giving his visage a distinct skull-like appearance. Some of it had dripped along his cheeks, making it seem like he’d been crying all night long, accentuated by his bloodshot eyes from both lack of sleep and potion fumes. 

He’d been walking around all morning _like that_.

“You went out yesterday, didn’t you?” Severus just nodded mutely, still staring at the mess in his face. “Since you weren’t at breakfast, I assume you came in late, crashed on your bed dead tired and thought to deal with it in the morning, and then you missed your alarm, overslept, and just jumped into whatever robes you could find, never remembering that you didn’t take your makeup off.”

Her explanation made perfect sense, and yet… He couldn’t take his eyes off the mirror. Distantly, he heard Minerva sigh. “Come on, Albus, Filius, he’ll need a little time to process it now, we might as well leave him in peace.” The door closed and he was blessedly alone.

Carefully, Severus put down the mirror and went to the adjacent bathroom. Reemerging ten minutes later, face pink and shining from all the scrubbing, he went back to the armchair by the window and sat down. 

Collective Memory Charms. Yes, that’s what he had to work on now.

**Author's Note:**

> this author broke her record and wrote 2k words in a day. i'll probably find a lot of mistakes later, but eh. inspired by a lot of talk about punk snape on tumblr.


End file.
